“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” Lao Tzu
Acceptance comes with the appreciation of what is without mourning what is not. Understanding that there are things that you cannot change, forget, or erase helps you to accept current and past realities. When you fail to accept what used to be or what currently is, you only invite suffering and heartache. The same can be said for the future: When you fail to accept the possibilities of what may be, you invite worry and insecurity.
These are things that I did not always know. Even now that I know, acceptance is a daily practice in my life. This is especially true now that I am the mother of a fiercely independent, free-spirited little girl. It is simple to try imposing my will on her even if it does not succeed. However, I have learned to just accept her in the moment. Instead of fighting to get her back to sleep when I just want thirty more minutes in bed, I remind myself to just accept the fact that she is wide awake and either wants to play, drink milk, or stand on the bed and look out the window counting trucks and busses that pass. This actually causes less stress on us both. While I may not exactly be happy with waking up with the birds, I allow us both to have peaceful mornings.
Many people have a hard time with acceptance; they feel that it is similar to giving up, giving in, surrendering, or like they are somehow saying that whatever was done to them is okay if they accept it. Acceptance is not about allowing yourself to be walked on, silencing yourself, or being a victim or martyr. It is about realizing what things you can change and which ones you cannot control. For the latter, acceptance is key. Either you accept things you cannot change or you let them make you miserable and eat you alive from the inside out.
People who have experienced abuse, trauma, and other injustices have an especially hard time with this concept. Of course certain things should not happen, but the reality is that they do and they cannot be undone no matter how hard you fight to understand why something happened, why it happened to you, and so on.
Acceptance is not an excuse for apathy and inaction. Yes, you have to accept that the veteran on the street is homeless or that your child is failing class, but that does not mean that you do nothing.
Other ways in which acceptance comes in handy is in relationships and even in traffic. If you are stuck in traffic with a 20-minute drive taking 2 hours, you have the option to blow your horn, scream and yell, curse under your breath, or whatever you do; however, these things only intensify your experience of the situation by increasing your suffering. Next time you are stuck in traffic, try taking some deep breaths, turn on some relaxing music, listen to an audio book you never have time for, or do some chair dancing while you rock out to your favorite tunes.
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